My mom died over a decade ago and its taken me a long time to go through all the things I saved from her house. Most of the large items were quick. The smaller items took longer. The photo albums took forever.
I’m nearing the end of that project and I found a funny item buried in with some old photo albums. It’s a yellowed and slightly burned set of four papers stapled together and folded in half. I opened it up and it is full of dirty campfire songs written in my mother’s handwriting and labeled as “Women’s Songs.” Just a nice little reminder that my mother was once a horny, rebellious, young adult.
I asked my dad about the songs and he had a decent idea of where they might have come from. My dad met my mom in college, but before they were dating my mom was dating a member of the college rugby team. This was in 1975. After rugby games the team and the fans would go get drunk and sing songs on the beach. Apparently they might’ve split into women and men for which campfire they went to and which songs they sang.
The even more interesting thing I discovered is that most of these songs are surprisingly NOT recorded on the internet in any way. The internet, a place well known for being full of smut and porn, is missing a piece!
So obviously I have to correct this problem. While the songs didn’t have a tune indicated, I did my best to figure out what it was meant to be based off the lyrics matching other songs. Here are the songs for your reading and singing pleasure.
“Ball Game” to the tune of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”
Take me out for a good ball
Let’s get down on the ground
Give me your penis & 3 stiff whacks
If you come first, I won’t ever come back.
So it’s shoot, shoot, shoot for the hole please
I can’t believe you’re so lame.
From the front, side, back – I don’t care!
You’re a damn bad lay.
“Why Was He Born So Beautiful?” (an Australian birthday song)
Why was he born so beautiful?
Why was he born at all?
He’s no fucking use to anyone
He’s non fucking use at all!
(He’s only got one ball)
“Califuckin’” to the tune of “California, Here We Come” by the Red Car News Boys of Disney’s California Adventure
Califuckin’ here we cum
Right back where we started from
Where scores of whores are lookin’ for fun
Each morning at dawning
If we’re lucky, we’ll be fucking
Sun-kissed pussies don’t cum late
We won’t have to masturbate
Open up those furry fates –
Califuckin’ here we cum!
“Hello Rugger”
Well hello Rugger… Well hello Rugger
It’s so nice to have you here on top of me
You’re feeling swell Rugger, I can tell Rugger
That it won’t be long until you come again…
Just for me…
Well here that meat sizzlin’, hear that juice drizzlin’
It’s a fragrant taste you’ve love since way back when
Soooooo- c’mon over for a meal Rugger
We’re gonna give a good deal Rugger
We’ve got the taste that brings them back-
We’ve got the taste that brings them back-
We’ve got the taste that brings them back- again.
“Gang Bang” by John Valby
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange you glad we’re gonna gang bang
Chorus
and always will
because a gang bang gives me such a thrill
When I was younger and in my prime,
I used to gang bang all the time,
But now I’m older & turning grey –
I only gang bang once a day.
Verses
Jewish – You wish we had a gang bang…
Eisenhower – Eisen- how about a gang bang?…
Olive – I’d love a gang bang…
Anita – I need a gang bang…
Sheila – She loves a gang bang…
Tijuana – Do you wanna gang bang…
Nixon – Next in line for a gang bang…
Linus – Line us up for a gang bang…
Lena – Lean her against a wall for a gang bang…
“Fugby Ruckers” to the tune of any military cadence song like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzs90IdCJV8
We’re the fugby ruckers – we’re sweet enough to eat
We’ll give your crank a heck of yank; we’ll pulverize your meat
We’ll blow you on the table – we’ll blow you on the floor
And when your mommy calls your home, we’ll blow you out the door
Oh, hi dee, di dee, Christ almighty, who the hell are we?
We’re the fugby ruckers; we’ll take you on in threes.
We know you hump your father, your mother is a whore
Born into such perversion, how come you’re such a bore?
Singing hi dee, di dee, Christ almighty, who the hell are we?
Shit, fuck, cock, suck – call the cavalry!
“Home in the Bed” to the tune of “Home on the Range”
Oh give me a cock
That’s as hard as a rock
An erection that won’t go away
Where seldom’s inspired
A complaint that its tired
It just pumps & it comes all night & day
Please, please get it up!
I’ve been waiting since Tuesday at dawn
I never understood
Why you say you’re so good
You make Frankenstein look like Don Juan
“Grand Old Fag” to the tune of “You’re a Grand Old Flag”
You’re a grand old fag
And your wrinkled balls sag
Your performance gets worse every day
You’re an argument
For abstinence
A broomstick would be a better lay
Every heart feels doom
When you walk in the room
‘Cause we’ve heard of your infamous fame
Your limp old cock
Won’t be forgot
‘Cause we all know that you are lame
Well you have no lust
And your humps have no thrust
You’re a sad, sad excuse for a stud
You should just give up
‘Cause you can’t get it up
I think I would rather eat mud
Well you body’s rank
And the tiger in your tank
Is as dead as the rhythm you beat
We know the way that you perform
You remind us of a cream puff in heat
“Women’s Theme Song”
We know our place
It’s not on your face
With our pants around our knees
We are the ruggers
We’re not the huggers
We’ll fuck whom we please
RUCK RUCK RUCK
No licky sticky
If you’re not the best
So show us those cocks
And flaunt those balls
We’re NOT IMPRESSED!
“Erection Factory” to the tune of “Caissons Go Rolling Along”
Chorus
And it’s Hi Hi Hee at the Erection Factory
Shout out your orders loud and clear: HARD ON!
But it isn’t too much fun when you know he just can’t cum
As he tries for the ___ (1st, 2nd, etc) time around
- You can tell at a glance that he doesn’t stand a chance
As he tries for the 1st time around
You can tell by his look that he needs to read a book
As he tries for the 1st time around
Repeat Chorus - You can tell by the size that he’ll never get a rise
As he tries for the 2nd time around
You can tell by the feel that he’s not a man of steel
As he tries for the 2nd time around
Repeat Chorus - You can tell by his shape that he’s not a good bedmate
As he tries for the 3rd time around
You can tell by the pud that he’s really just a dud
As he tries for the 3rd time around
Repeat Chorus - You can tell by the meat that it’s gonna be a feat
As he tries for the 4th time around
You can tell by his prick that it’s gonna be a trick
As he tries for the 4th time around
Repeat Chorus - He can huff, he can puff, but he’ll never get it up
As he tries for the 5th time around
You can tell by his cock that you’d rather use a sock
As he tries for the 5th time around
Repeat Chorus - You can tell by his mauls that he hasn’t got the balls
As he tries for the 6th time around
You can tell by his fuck that you’re gonna have to suck
As he tries for the 6th time around
Repeat Chorus - You can tell by the hump that he takes it in the rump
As he tries for the 7th time around
You can tell by the sag that he really is a fag
As he tries for the 7th time around
Repeat Chorus - You can tell by his face that he can’t keep up the pace
As he tries for the 8th time around
You can tell it’s too late and he’ll never penetrate
As he tries for the 8th time around
Repeat Chorus - You can tell by his face that he’s really lost in space
As he tries for the 9th time around
You can tell by the groan that you’ve worn him to the bone
As he tries for the 9th time around
Repeat Chorus - You can tell by the whine that he can’t go one more time
As he tries for the 10th time around
You can tell it’s too late and you’ll have to masturbate
As he tries for the 10th time around
Repeat Chorus - He can masturbate for months but he’ll only come just once
As he tries for the 11th time around
You can tell by the blast that this time will be the last
As he tries for the 11th time around
Repeat Chorus - You can tell he’s a rugger ’cause he’s such a damn good lover
As he makes it the last time around!
GoCorral 
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