I Used to Square Dance

Here's what I looked like when this story was taking place. Yeah...
Here’s what I looked like when this story was taking place. Yeah…

When I was about ten years old I took square dancing lessons.

I was homeschooled for most of elementary school and one of the other home school kid’s parents started a square dancing class.

I went to the first few lessons for free with a few other homeschool friends. Once we knew the basics we performed at a mall to try and attract other students.

I continued taking lessons after that, but my other friends stopped going. There weren’t a lot of replacements either. The mall performance ended up not panning out.

Often the lessons wouldn’t have enough people to form an eight person square. Even when we had enough people the girls always had to occasionally dance the men’s part (not that unusual for dance classes actually).

My mom kept taking me to the square dancing lessons for awhile. Thinking back on it now, part of the reason might’ve been because of the square dance teacher’s daughter.

We were about the same age and I can be fairly certain that she had a crush on me.

I think I would’ve felt the same way if I was into girls at that age, but I wasn’t yet.

I eventually told my mom that I wanted to stop going to the lessons. One of the other kids taking lessons there had really dry scaley skin and I didn’t like touching her skin when we danced because I thought I would catch leprosy from her or something.

Course I didn’t tell my mom that. I just told her that the time it took to drive to the lessons and back was about as long as the lessons took and I wasn’t really enjoying them.

My mom seemed a little bummed and I think it was because she’d wanted me to go on a date with the teacher’s daughter.

It’s probably for the best. The teacher’s daughter had curly hair and I’ve never liked curly hair. That relationship would’ve been even shorter than most middle school relationships (half a week instead of the usual week).

-Mister Ed

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Watching Bachelorette with my Wife

My wife and I watch Bachelorette sometimes. No roses for kitties on the show though!
My wife and I watch Bachelorette sometimes. No roses for kitties on the show though!

My wife likes to watch the ABC show, The Bachelor, and I like my wife so I watch with her.

The Bachelor is a reality show where one man is courted by 25 women at once.

The first episode introduces the Bachelor and the eligible women. Subsequent episodes cover the dates the Bachelor goes on with one woman at a time or many.

At the end of the dates one woman on the date gets a rose, signaling that the date was successful.

At the end of the episode the Bachelor hands out additional roses, only there aren’t enough for all the women.

Like a game of musical chairs, some are left without roses and eliminated.

Eventually only a few women are left and the dates get more serious (meeting families and scandalous overnight dates).

When there are only two women left the Bachelor must choose one.

The show encourages a proposal at that point, but it doesn’t always happen. Sometimes the relationship doesn’t even continue at all from that point.

The show’s purpose is to create marriages, after all 1 out of 25 women should be marriage material, right?

The show’s track record is pretty bad though. 1 in 10 of the seasons ends in a successful marriage.

Originally there was only The Bachelor, but now there is The Bachelorette. It’s the same show with a woman as the central character and 25 men vying for her attention instead.

My wife likes it a lot. I feel like its forced drama by people who aren’t actors.

The creators and the people on the show have admitted that the conflicts on the show are largely fabricated.

Two people might be fighting, but they were told to fight by the producers.

Two people might seem to be insulting each other, but the show edits out the laughing afterwards at the ridiculous insult. Instead a frown is edited in from a different conversation.

Regardless of all that stuff it is still fun to hear about the drama and who gets eliminated.

I’ll continue watching the first few minutes with my wife every week and then getting bored and wandering away. She’ll fill me in on the rest afterwards.

And unfortunately, all my favorite characters keep getting eliminated.

-Mister Ed